Red Traffic Lights Green
by Zarius
Summary: DM and Penfold are assigned to protect celebrity Weird Al, but who's the danger and what's the help?


**DANGER MOUSE**

**RED TRAFFIC LIGHTS GREEN**

**WRITTEN BY ZARIUS**

* * *

**Author's Note:** Here you are CalvinFujii, your DM/Weird Al crossover.

Celebrities. Everyone wants to be one, and if you can't be one, you've just to be around one. Such privileges occasionally fall into the hands of secret service men and federal agents...and now, in this case, Danger Agents.

"Ah DM, Penfold, I have a freshly squeezed assignment for the two of you" said Colonel K as his holographic image addressed Danger Mouse and Penfold as they flew over London in the Danger car.

"Give us the details Colonel" said DM.

"Yeah, the last time you didn't leave any in and I couldn't complete the simulator missions I put together...I was up to power level 83 on Megaquest and the lack of a strategy guide forced me to spend the remaining time I had left in storage units picking up medicines" said Penfold.

DM turned to Penfold, needing his curiosity satisfied.

"I see Penfold, are you sure it's wise using the simulator for your personal recreation?"

"You think all your assignments are recreation" argued Penfold.

"It's not my fault they're so_ ridiculously_ easy, but I owe all that to rigorous simulation training" replied DM, turning his nose up at Penfold.

"If you're done arguing over lack of details, here's the low down on who you're being assigned to. Weird Al Yankovic"

"Comedian and songwriter. Big fan" said Penfold.

"Must you shill at first mention Penfold?" asked DM.

"He's launching a spoken word concert tour for charity, he needs protection"

"From who Colonel?" DM asked.

"The Amish" Colonel K whispered as delicately as he could.

"Could you speak up a bit Colonel?" said DM.

"I heard him Chief; I can understand him not wanting to tick off any easily offendable readers"

"Ok, fair enough, we'll pick him up and escort him to the concert"

"Splendid, here are his co-ordinates, good luck" said Colonel K, and cut off his hologram form.

The Danger Car homed in on the location of the celebrity, who waved to them.

"Hello, hello, it's me you're cooking for"

"Penfold, did he get the lyrics to that one wrong?" DM asked.

"No chief, that's his whole shtick"

The Danger car touched down and DM opened the door to let him in.

"Mr. Yankovic, come with us please, we have reason to believe you're an open target and are in danger"

"Danger? Where?"

"No, we're the Danger..."

"You're the danger? Then what am I sitting around here for? HELP! HELP!"

"No, we're the help" Penfold said.

"We're escorts" said DM.

"So I have to tip you for a good time?"

"No, we're a non-profit organisation" said DM.

"The women or men must be so lucky to hear that" said Al.

"Chief, I thought we were public ally funded"

"Yes Penfold, while we don't charge for our job, we cipher money off what the public pay for news and entertainment services"

"So what you're saying is we pilfer off the BBC?" Penfold said.

"Yes" DM confirmed.

"Do THEY know that?"

"Well, we're not on CBBC as we talk about this, this happens to be "

"What if they're reading this right now?"

"Well the pettiest thing they can do is obstruct our mission" said DM.

"Are we going on a mission?" Weird Al asked.

"In this case, you're the mission" Penfold said.

"Wow, a mission that revolves around me, it's my world and we're all living in it"

The Danger car, in dire need of fuel, touched down near a gas station...but stopped just short of traffic lights turned red and a swarm of gridlocked taxi cabs.

"Ah, a true test of my abilities" said Weird Al, oozing with macho confidence.

"What sort of abilities?" DM asked

"I can turn red traffic lights green just by staring at them"

Weird Al stared intently at the traffic lights...after another moment or two, they did exactly as he wished, but DM was left most perplexed by the swarm of gridlocked cars refusing to budge in spite of that.

"What about the jam?" he asked

Weird Al produced a guitar.

"Everyone's got their jam, this is mine" he said, and blistered his thumbs on the strings putting together a rocking rendition of 'Africa' by Toto.

"Penfold, it just occurred to me the Colonel never gave us the co-ordinates of the concert"

"There goes the details again...does this mean we could be stuck with Al for ages?" Penfold asked.

"It's his world and we're all living in it" DM said.


End file.
